I made a dreadful mistake by watching a documentary on HBO entitled "The Recruiter". It was about an army recruiter in rural Louisiana. One of the boys he recruited joined the special forces and became a green beret. His name was Bobby, like my little brother. This kid was so young, he could barely grow facial hair. He shouldn't be a professional killer. I hope that the military will keep it's rule that you can't be color blind if you want to enlist, I could never see my brother living in a sandbox, fighting in a war that should never have happened. Keep in mind that young people die there almost every day.
This doc also reminded me of when my dad was in basic. On one occasion his platoon was rewarded with a rare phone call home, for some reason or another, I missed that call. Listening to his voice on the message was like having my soul ripped out through my ear. Dad was lonely, and sad and he missed me. I've only heard that tone of voice a handful of times but it makes me bawl like when I randomly hear Father and Daughter by Paul Simon on NPR.
My mind is occupied and sleep deprived. Cluttered. Like my car and my bedroom. I hope my new roommate isn't a neat freak.... I hope my mom will be ok when I leave, I hope dad and I have had enough time together. I'm worried about having a job and money when I move, I'm worried about failing school. I can't stop thinking.
It wears me out.
-Lauren Mae
